It’s weird kid Christmas! Let’s get spooky!
“I long for the day when I can say that even after it’s been washed it still smells like dog shit.” But for now, local crust-punk Willian Dillport, a.k.a. TobaccO K. Cupid, a.k.a. Davey Continue reading
Once upon a time, there was a terrible King. This terrible King would amuse his friends by torturing peasants he brought in to his court from the countryside.
His favorite form of torture was fooling peasants into torturing themselves. The King and his court especially loved these sorts of games. Continue reading
PORTLAND, ME– An alternate dimension of reality has been glimpsed while testing on the first working prototype of a “gravity engine” at University of Southern Maine — which could potentially be used for interstellar travel.
“The drive can potentially be used to travel faster than light. But it doesn’t really travel faster than light. What it does, is it creates creates a very small, stable black hole, which we can then use to manipulate stretch the fabric of spacetime. It can punch a hole through the fabric of reality to link two points in space and time allowing for what appears to be instantaneous movement from one point to another.” said Dr. William Weir.
However, this technology may come at a cost. The first tests of the device opened a gateway to what Dr Weir describes as “a horrifying alternate reality” in which earth is populated by humanoids who live in a world very much like ours, but with socialized health care, free college tuition, free childcare, fully funded Planned Parenthood-like institutions, and flying creatures whose bodies are seething masses of tentacles, each of which ends in either clusters of eyeballs, or mouths ringed with what appear to be needle-sharp teeth. Continue reading
The crumpled up purple shirt in the bathroom looks like that thing I fried for breakfast this morning but couldn’t eat.
I lifted my back sideways but all I got was a shotgun blast to the fart. I fart-died quickly and loudly.
You know, when my dad told me he was proud of me and my sister, his eyes dipped downwards quickly in the middle of his sentence. I used to think he had weak eyes.
I couldn’t eat what I cooked for breakfast this morning, because my two fish looked at it once and said, “It’s too shiny; it will give you swine-flu for sure.”
I took another drag from my E-cig and I said, “Sure, fish. Shore.”
God died a long time ago, but I still have fun.
“Anyone wanna go to the Barcade? I once performed in drag there when it was a bone broth Wendy’s! Ha ha ha.”
Who came up with this idea? How could a person even think of such a thing? There are at least a million things that someone could think of, and somehow they thought of this?
Was it you that thought of this idea? It definitely wasn’t me, I’m the one asking who it was that came up with this peculiar idea.
There I was minding my own business– when along came this unusual idea and I just had to ask, being the inquisitive person that I am, who exactly was it that came up with this idea?
I googled it, but nothing came up, so I think it is new, but I don’t know who, was it you?
Whose idea was this?
PORTLAND, ME — It’s February once again, and the City of Portland plans on holding their 231st sidewalk snow maze competition. Do you have what it takes to get to work on time?