WISCASSET, ME– A beloved catfish born with two heads as a result of the radioactive waste leaking from the (now decommissioned) Maine Yankee nuclear power station has died today, after a truck hauling a tank filled with tar sands went off the road and into the Sheepscot river, releasing thousands of gallons of tar sands bitumen.
The catfish was able to sire several generations of one-headed offspring, and as a right of passage for all fish of this species able to live long enough, was able to become female and lay thousands of eggs. The offspring were born with very little incident and only one head, following the shut down of the Maine Yankee plant in 1996. Hundreds of friends and neighbors were killed after the Tar Sands truck went off the road, releasing a toxic bloom of carcinogenic tar. The catfish was 24 years old.