THE INTERNET — Senior Research Scientists at the World Headquarters of the Internet say, in a press conference today, that the internet is almost full, and will need to be abandoned.
“The internet is just so totally full. Like, there’s not room for even one more thing in the internet.” says senior research scientist, Dr. Xavier Vesperto. “Soon, we will have to abandon the internet entirely, and move on to something else.”
World Headquarters of The Internet spokeswoman, Carleena Trembly, postulated ideas about what sorts of things could be found in the new internet, internet v3.0.
“We all know that internet 1.0 was a basic file-sharing system, internet 2.0 was social media, it’s time to abandon these completed and filled things, and move on to something new, but it’s not clear what this ‘internet of things’ will look like.” said Dr. Trembly.
“We could imagine a future internet where instead of clicking ‘like’ on things our friends post, we might instead invite friends over to our actual homes, and laugh whimsical things that they have to say. Memes may eventually become actual cats. Emails could just be a nice breeze on a summer day while sitting in a hammock and sipping iced tea. Soylent Green, will be people. It’s impossible to know what the post-internet v2.0 future will be like, but we are about to find out.”