Scientists Open Wormhole Revealing Horrifying Alternative Reality

PORTLAND, ME– An alternate dimension of reality has been glimpsed while testing on the first working prototype of a “gravity engine” at University of Southern Maine — which could potentially be used for interstellar travel.

  “The drive can potentially be used to travel faster than light.  But it doesn’t really travel faster than light.  What it does, is it creates creates a very small, stable black hole, which we can then use to manipulate stretch the fabric of spacetime.  It can punch a hole through the fabric of reality to link two points in space and time allowing for what appears to be instantaneous movement from one point to another.” said Dr. William Weir.

However, this technology may come at a cost.  The first tests of the device opened a gateway to what Dr Weir describes as “a horrifying alternate reality” in which earth is populated by humanoids who live in a world very much like ours, but with socialized health care, free college tuition, free childcare, fully funded Planned Parenthood-like institutions, and flying creatures whose bodies are seething masses of tentacles, each of which ends in either clusters of eyeballs, or mouths ringed with what appear to be needle-sharp teeth.

“From what we can tell from our experience looking through this window into this alternative reality, there are no vigilante men outside of their reproductive health clinics.  Female humanoids are able to drop their kids off at public daycare centers without paying any money, and parents are given 12 months of paid leave. The humanoids there seem to have no discernible systems of oppression based in class, gender, or race. The skies are filled with flying balls of tentacles, covered in hideous eyeballs and gnashing mouths.  It’s a terrifying alien hellscape, completely foriegn to anything we know in our own reality,” Dr Weir said.

Female graduate student Bethany Stanhope, assisting Dr. Weir on this project, didn’t fully share Dr Weirs thoughts.

“This version of reality is certainly very different from our own.  But from what we can tell these flying tentacle monsters just sort of float around and only eat people occasionally.  Women and people of color are able to pursue education, career, and family unimpeded by structural discrimination.  It actually seems like a pretty ideal version of reality compared with our own.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s