A Deflated SUV Tire Reads the Weather Report for This Weekend

flat-tirePORTLAND, ME — His voice is a ragged, depressed grumble, slowly but rigorously relating the hazards to be expected in southern Maine this weekend.

“So as you’ve probably heard, we are expected to receive snowfall on Saturday until 5pm, up to 5 inches.  At least, that’s what I’ve heard most recently.  Not great weather to be driving in with a tire in a condition such as that of myself.  *Sigh*.”

“Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to remind you that your traction in the snow will be *wheeze* significantly improved by a quick trip to your local gas station to have your tires filled to their maximum PSI.”

A tire gauge slowly emerges from out of the front passenger seat.  From out of the cushion cracks a wet noise can be faintly heard.

“Perhaps,” the deflated tire continues in his shambling voice, “we will be experiencing even heavier snowfall from Sunday afternoon into Monday morning.  But of course, at this point it is important to recall the meterological truism that weather cannot, with any degree of accuracy, be fully predicted more than a day in advance, so it is important to be ready for *sigh* anything.”

“However,” the tire continued, “one thing that can more certainly be predicted with accuracy is that a tire pumped to its maximum inflation will drive better, and might I add, with better gas mileage, in any kind of weather.”

As he continues, a home air compressor appears in your apartment hallway.  But no one is there to know.

“But,” the tire quickly adds, “I understand you’re busy and perhaps exhausted by this low pressure system, so I understand if you don’t have time to inflate me today.  We can wait.  We can always wait longer. *Sigh*.”

If only the tire’s owner was able to hear all of this over the sound of Netflix playing in their bedroom.  The wind and snow howl against the windows; someone in the apartment cranks the thermostat up a few degrees.


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