And Pile of Empty Tupperware In Your Kitchen Sink
PORTLAND, ME — We all can get lonely some times. For those who are able to earn enough to live in a single bedroom apartment, this can especially be the case. To help with that, entrepreneur Tanya Richardson has created a new service she calls, “Roommate Simulation.”
Richardson created the service after she started earning enough to stop requiring a roommate in her one-person apartment in parkside, and found that she missed having somebody else around.
“My roommate used to be there to voice his uninformed and contrarian political opinions, and left dirty dishes in the sink for days on end. I thought I hated it, but now that he’s gone, I’ve grown to kind of miss it,” said Richardson as we sat down on the Ikea Futon in her living room.
“Now, I just keep a youtube playlist of Slavoj Zizek going in the background, and leave my own dishes in the sink to pile up. It’s helped a lot, and I started to feel less lonely. The biggest surprise was what a demand there was for this sort of service.”
Within days of starting her small business, she found herself travelling all over Portland to create the “roommate experience.”
“One thing that’s popular is programming people’s computers to play Radiohead really loudly after 11pm on weekdays.” said Richardson.
Other services she offers include things like stealing your beer and food and not replacing it, squirting almost all of your mustard and ketchup directly into the trash and then putting the nearly empty bottles back into the fridge, and placing a weed scented air-freshener in the bathroom. Higher tier services include leaving cat vomit on the floor for days and not cleaning it up, and getting really drunk and peeing on the couch. There are a number of services that customers can mix and match, starting at just $500 a month, which is taken via automatic withdrawal and cannot be cancelled until your lease ends.
She also provides almost all of her services while the customer is not at home, trying to never be around when the customer is, to ensure she will never be confronted about any of her services.