Voter turnout in American Idol elections has been at record lows for the past several years, according to social scientists at Harvard, who announced their findings at a very tense press release this past Friday.
“American Idol has it’s foundation in democracy, and if we choose not to participate in that, it can have very dire consequences for us as a nation.”
Dirk Garfield, a local Starbucks barista didn’t participate because he felt it was “a pointless effort. Just totally meaningless.”
Said Garfield, “We still keep playing songs from all the past winners on the muzak system, but it hasn’t affected my life in a positive way, nobody who ends up winning really does anything that different or interesting.”
According to a local tattoo artist, Keeth Shirp, she didn’t vote “because the whole system is structured to prevent anybody with new or interesting ideas from actually winning. The way you win this election is by appealing to the lowest common denominator, not by having innovative ideas. Plus you have to be willing to sign your life away to giant corporate sponsors, and only sellouts would do that. There’s no way that anybody actually worth listening to can win, given the way the whole system is structured.”