Horoscope for April 2016

It’s April.  This is your horoscope.

Aries:
2 Cups Rice
4 Cups Water
1/2 Bag of Frozen Veggies
Soy Sauce (to taste)
Frank’s Red Hot (to taste)

In a rice cooker, combine rice, water, and frozen veggies and cook.
After steamed, cover the bottom of a frying pan with cooking oil and bring up to high heat.
Fry veggies and rice one serving at a time until bottom of rice becomes crispy.
Reapply oil to pan as needed.
Season with Frank’s Red Hot and Soy Sauce to taste.
Serves one.


Taurus:
One box of Macaroni and Cheese
1/2 bag of frozen veggies
Dollop of Peanut butter
Dollop of Trader Joe’s Ginger Cookie Butter
Milk or Milk substitute to taste

In a pot, boil the pasta until soft.
While boiling pasta, steam vegetables with any additional seasonings you desire in a separate pan.
After straining pasta, place back in pot.
Either introduce cheese packet, or throw away, depending on taste.  If using cheese packet, add milk or milk substitute to help blend cheese packet.
Add dollops of peanut butter and cookie butter while pasta is still hot.  Stir in pot over low heat, and when blended well, add veggies and stir slightly.  Serves one.


Gemini:
3 cups “S’Mores” cereal
5 hydrox cookies (or any brand of chocolate wafer sandwich cookie)
Handful of mixed nuts
1 1/2 cups milk

Pour S’Mores brand cereal into a cereal bowl.
Add chocolate wafer sandwich cookies.
Add mixed nuts.
Pour in milk. Serves one.


Cancer:
2 Eggs
2 Slices Bread
1 block of cheese
French’s Yellow Mustard

Cut a chunk of cheese about the size of your thumb from the block of cheese.  Any cheese will do. In a well oiled pan on high heat, throw the cheese in and leave it there until it begins to crisp.  While cheese is crisping, toast two slices bread.  When cheese is done crisping, place on toast.  Fry eggs, sunnyside up on medium heat.  Be careful not to break the yolks.  Place on toast opposite crisped cheese.  Spray French’s yellow mustard all over the cheese, and close sandwich.  Serves one.


Leo:
1 fresh and piping hot pot of french roast coffee
1 Tub of Mint Chip Ice cream
2 teaspoons sugar

Fill a pint glass halfway with hot coffee.  Stir in sugar.  Fill remainder of cup with Mint Chip Icecream and stir till cooled. Eat with combination of spoon and sipping. Save the rest of the coffee in a mason jar for iced coffee later.  Place the ice cream back in the freezer. Serves one.


Virgo:
3/4 cup flour
1 egg
~3/4 tsp salt (to taste)
~1 tbsp water (depending on humidity)

Mix dry items in a bowl thoroughly.  Make a divot in the center of the bowl and crack your egg and fold into dry mix until fully moistened.  Add water as needed.  Roll dough out into a thin sheet on a clean, flat, well floured surface.  After dough is rolled, Sprinkle a thin coat of flour  over  the top.  Spread evenly.  This will prevent the dough from sticking in the next step.  Fold the dough back and forth like an accordion to be about the width of your knife.  With quick firm strokes, cut the folded dough into noodles.  Allow to air dry.

Prepare a broth, and add whatever you want, bring to a light boil.  Add noodles, allow to soften.  Eat out of the pot.  Serves one.


Libra:
1 block of cheese
2 slices of bread
French’s yellow mustard.

Slice small wedges of cheese from block.
Place in “equal sign” shape on slices of toast.
Place toast slices, adorned with cheese, into toaster oven, and cook on low heat for 15 minutes, or until cheese is melted.
Slather in mustard.
Serves one.


Scorpio:
1 bag carrots
1 bag celery
1 sixteen oz can Narragansett Lager

Open can of beer, and drink while eating carrots and celery.  Serves one.


Sagittarius:
1 loaf stale bread
1 pot of soup 

While bringing soup to desired temperature, cut stale loaf into smaller pieces.   Leave in soup until it softens.  Eat from pot.  Serves one.


Capricorn:
fresh picked dandelion leaves
1 lemon
olive oil (to taste)

Pick dandelions from someplace that is not subject to treatment with chemical pesticides, herbicides, or chemical fertalizers.  Remove stems, flowers, and roots, keep leaves. Wash thoroughly to remove dirt.
Squeeze lemon into a bowl to collect juice.
Mix some olive oil and lemon juice together to make a salad dressing.
Serves one.


Aquarius:
1 potato
1 onion
1 can peas
1 can diced tomatoes
2 cups water
1 box tubettini pasta

Clean onion and potato.  Cut into pieces.  Place in medium sized pot, along with water and canned veggies.  Cook until potatoes soften.  Add tubettini pasta to soak up water.  Turn off stove to save energy.  Cover and let pasta slowly cook by remaining heat in pot.  Salt to taste.  Eat from pot. Serves one, for several meals in a row.


Pisces:
1 packet instant ramen
1 egg
water

Place ramen in  bottom of a sauce pan, and add water until the ramen is completely covered.  Throw the spice packet away.
While water is still boiling, drop egg in.  Allow egg to cook completely.
Eat from pot.  Serves one.

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