People often say that the city of Portland needs new and creative solutions to our housing crisis. I could not agree more.
Below are some ideas that the city has never tried before that might be worth taking a look at:
1.) Burn all luxury condos to the ground.
2.) Seize the assets of all the banks in the city, as well as the richest 1%.
3.) Drive said 1% out of the city with pitchforks, torches, and other pointy, burny objects.
Portland is currently becoming impossible to live in for working class Portlanders because of the wealthy people moving in and driving up rents, forcing regular people to live in poverty, while simultaneously in places like Syracuse, NY it’s presupposed that the absence of rich people who were once there is what’s causing all the poverty.
People who owned the steel mills in Syracuse moved all production to someplace where people were more easily exploited, and left working people in the lurch in Syracuse. But we’ve got rich people in Portland, and they’re fucking everything up for working people, so I think it’s time we address the root of the problem. Rich people who own everything and can do whatever they want.
We supposedly we need rich people, but when we have them, they actually cause more problems than they solve. So let’s just get rid of them and take their stuff away from them, and share it amongst everybody.
Since the very, very wealthy have most of the money and take up much more space per person than working class Portlanders this should provide the city with plenty of money and space to build publicly owned, renter controlled affordable housing units.
And while we’re at it–“it” being the whirlwind rage of a long-suffering people–let’s go ahead and rip up all the roads in the downtown area.
But how will be people get around? Well, my friend, we can replace the roads with a city metro-rail system and bike highways, freeing up more space for parks and housing as well as expanding the available land that people without cars can comfortably live on.
These are just a few new and creative ideas to deal with the housing crisis. Coming up with your own is easy: Just make sure your ideas are based on solving the real problem– the bloodsucking parasites profiting from our poverty.
Talk to your friends and neighbors and start brainstorming your own ideas today!