Portland Voters Decide 58% to 42% in favor of madness, poverty, crime

PORTLAND, ME — Portland voters decided on Nov 3rd by a 16 point margin to oppose legislation that would raise the minimum wage to $15/hr, voting instead in favor of madness, poverty, and criminal acts of desperation.

Middle-class Portlanders owning small businesses decided by a that rather than making it the law to raise the wage floor for all businesses to begin paying their employees $15/hr, they would rather have the sky rocketing rents and other costs of living drive their employees to break into homes and sell the possessions of other people to pawn shops for that extra $150 they need at the end of the month to make rent.

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