PORTLAND, ME — During a televised debate this past week, candidate for mayor, Ethan Strimling committed to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of every Portlander while they sleep.
Without offering any specific details on his plan to spend a full night softly speaking affirming messages into the ears of each individual Portland voter by the end of his 3 year term, he remained resolute that he would stare lovingly at every single Portland voter as they fell asleep, and tell them under his breath that he thinks they “are the best.”
When questioned on his stance regarding oatmeal sweetened with sugar and cinnamon, he remained firm, saying “it’s really tasty, plus you can stay full till lunch, and power through your work day.”
Ethan Strimling (D) is running against Green Party candidate Tom MacMillan (G) and current Mayor Mike Brennan (D). The mayoral seat is a nonpartisan race.
Election day is Tuesday, Nov 3rd.