Area Woman Leaves Passive Aggressive Note In Response To Passive Aggressive Note

After a Real Crap Week, Area Woman has had Enough of Everyone’s B.S.

PORTLAND, MAINE-

passive agressive notes can be anywhere on anything and can be left for anyone at practically any time!

Passive-aggressive notes can be written anywhere, on anything and can be left for anyone, at practically any time!

After arriving home, Area Woman dragged herself down to the laundry room to get a quick load in the wash, only to find a passive-aggressive note deriding her as having “no communal spirit” scrawled upon the laundry soap she left in the laundry room.

Woman, having recently had her detergent taken by another tenant in the building, decided to give neighbors benefit of the doubt that someone mistook her soap as theirs, and marked the container with her apartment number to avoid further confusion- only to discover the note days later.

“Yeah, I guess I was feeling a little defensive when I added my info, but I figured, what the hell?” she told WTF. “I had a real crap week. It was the artfully placed turd cherry on top of a shit sundae.”

After staring at the note for what felt like five rage fueled hours, Area Woman went back upstairs to pen a response.

My prayer of penance

O HOLIER THAN THOU LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

FORGIVE ME O HOLY LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

I kneel myself prostrate at your feet.

FORGIVE ME O HOLY LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

For leaving my soap in the laundry room I so humbly share with thee.

FORGIVE ME O HOLY LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

For I am a humble human who does not want to schlep her laundry detergent back to her apartment upon completion of every wash. I am weak and lazy.

FORGIVE ME LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY, O HOLY ONE

Once I thought I could trust my laundry soap to be safe in the laundry room of our small and humble building, to find one day some invisible all mighty force had unjustly taken my soap from me. I know now this punishment was right and just, as I must remain penant to the laundry gods. Only they can taketh away the sock, only they may decide the fate of my soap. I am not worthy.

GRANT ME THE SERENITY, O HOLY LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

to see that the things you assume about my character have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. I am a pestilent human.

OH LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

I PRAY ONE DAY YOU MAY MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN TO ME

I pray that one day you may so graciously and courageously knock upon my door and grant me the utter privilege to tell me about myself; as you, unlike anyone else, know the inner workings of my black and dirty soul.

I PRAY O HOLY LAUNDRY SOAP DEITY

I may channel your communal spirit in the right ways, and in doing so gain much abundance in the form of amazon and UPS packages left unclaim’d by the mailboxes.

In your name, AMEN

“At first I was afraid the asshole who wrote on my stuff would leave a note saying something like ‘ur fat’  or ‘ur a [expletive deleted] with the ‘u r’ instead of ‘you’re’ which would be the worst, but so far nobody in my building has said anything. Plus, every time I need to do some laundry, I end up giving myself a chuckle,” says Woman. “I’ve even considered building a shrine to the Laundry Soap God just for something to do. Who knows. That might be taking my joke a bit too far.”

Asshole in the Building and Laundry Soap God had yet to return comment in time for publication.

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